Regular readers of The Magnificent Frog (both of you) will recall my seething anger at the constant chatter regarding horoscopes. In short it is my fervent belief that horoscopes are inaccurate, misleading, superstitious nonsense. They rely on vague feelings of luck* and wishful thinking to predict anything and utilize vagaries and ego massage to sell themselves to gullible fools.
Fear not though for a light shines through the murky miasma of psychic advice. Forget about the future in heavenly bodies of burning gas, dismiss the Chinese horoscope of funny animals made of five elements, discard the dripping entrails of your latest sacrifice. A foolproof method of understanding yourself has emerged. It is not based on esoteric charts or convoluted formula but on genuine and careful opinion and fact. Yes, fact!
I present The Stars as Determined by The Stars: Oscarology.
*I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.
– Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) Third president of the United States