TMA 01

The Hildy suggested treating our adorable children to an hour or so of physical exercise at the Horizone playcentre. This was not entirely without a certain degree of selfish motivation.  I’m reliably informed that the ambient noise level of the Horizone is sufficiently high to prevent conversation and the lack of adult entertainment (or rather entertainment for aduts) acts as a focus for the mind.  This certainly seems to be the case because I shot through the last of my TMA in under an hour. 

After getting home and proofreading it I’ve submitted it on the eTMA system.  It’s not due until the 29th.  I suppose I’ll have to get on with some work now.

Bugger!

In other news: I bought new shoes today.  They’re green.  The fact that I’m secretly pleased about this says something about me as a person.  I’m just not sure what.

Cancel the rest of your day

http://www.virtual-bubblewrap.com/popnow.shtml

Testicle Burn

I’m working from home today.

I’ve had my laptop on my lap for nearly three hours and I’m starting to worry about the heat effecting my fertility.  It really is getting uncomfortably warm.  If I had any sense then I’d take a break but, you know, I’ve fathered at least four children and the cost of the snip *wince* is a bit steep so maybe I’ll just leave it a few more minutes.

It’s not comfortable though.

Hang on. I need to adjust.

….

I really don’t have anything else to say.  This is just my bit of nonsense.  Blue Soup reminded me of Alice in Wonderland over on her blog so I think nonsense is very probably the order of the day.

Tea anyone?

`I want a clean cup,’ interrupted the Hatter: `let’s all move one place on.’

I’m hoping that Ms. Right will complete my interview soon.

I’m pondering what to get The Slytherin Head Girl for her burpday.  She has a wishlist dontchaknow?

I’m wondering why the hell I’m working 17 hour days at the moment.  Along with my man bits I fear that my brain is melting.

Time for some ice cream I think and pretty pictures.

Answer me these questions three..um fifteen

Stand of the Right sent these questions to me so that I could answer them.  She did it because she was forced at the point of a sword to delve into my deepest and most intimate thoughts.  I have answered them (as is my want) and now I return to work which so occupies my waking moments.  Thank you Miss Right, it was jolly good fun.

 

1. What time is it?
   Tenacious D time, the mother fucking rhyme
   Hammer time
   17:02
   
2. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
   It is a little known secret that it does stick to the inside of the bottle.  The process of making things stick to other things involves very tiny creatures known as Gluons.  Gluons are in fact the friendliest creatures in the known universe and spend most of their lives hugging anything that they can reach.  In order to spread goodwill and friendship they can be convinced to leave a glue tube or bottle but only by singing the proper Gluon song or performing the Gluon ritual of the Racing Hug.  It is fortunate for we Earth creatures that the Gluon ritual of the Racing Hug involves sticking out your tongue and chewing your lower lip while scrunching up one eye.  An expression often made by accident when attempting to use a glue tube.There are some things that Gluons really dislike though.  Water and cats are two of them and you will rarely see either being glued.  Gluons are fascinated by human fingers though and often try to hug them extra tight.
   
3. Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
   Impossible! As a regular commuter on the wonderful rail network that we have in the south of this glorious nation of ours I am rarely in a car.  When I am, I am not the driver and not the one looking for an address.However, I imagine that other people, who are less magnificent than I, need to lower the volume in order to concentrate on one of their five senses.  As if the human brain suffers from such limitations as finite processing rates.  Tish and pish.
   
4. What is the size of a poodle?
   It depends on the size of the plate of oodles eaten the night before.
   
5. What’s the prettiest part of your body?
   I’m of the opinion that the male body is one of the most ridiculous looking things ever evolved.  Especially naked.  We look like frogs.  Having said that I must say that I am particularly enamoured with the beauteous appearance of my feet.  For some reason though The Hildy finds my feet repulsive.  Just because I have incredibly long toes that I can use to pick things up with, write and climb trees she thinks they are odd.  No, it’s her stumpy feminine feet that are odd.  My glorious size 12s are the most magnificent and versatile of all pedal extremities and I challenge any one to prove me wrong.
   
6. Have you met any celebrities?
   Probably.  I fear that the requirements for being classed as a celebrity (or sleb as I’ve heard them described) are so mundane as to cover most people on the planet.  However I am in regular contact with Annie Lennox and Gregory Peck through work as they are now working in the training industry and financial support industry respectively.  Yes I know one of them is technically dead but we are talking about accountancy firms here.
   
7. What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
   Oh that is tricky.  You see I rarely eat breakfast as a meal.  I know the definition is the first meal of the day but when I get round to eating it is usually about 2:30 in the afternoon so that’s more properly called lunch.  My first food of the day was a vegetarian sausage, coleslaw and mustard baguette but the last time I had breakfast in the morning I devoured two slices of white toast with mushroom pate on top in generous dollops.
   
8. You are holding 3 apples in your hand. How many apples do you have?
   *crunch*
   *munch*
   *crunchety munchety*
   Apples, what apples?
   Why is it that you can juggle three apples but not three apple cores?
   
9. How many fingers am I holding up?
   Ew, how do you do that with your hand?  A little known fact is that my brother and his daughter, Baby Jessica, were born with six fingers on each hand.  If you’re anything like them then I’ve have to say 12, just for the shock value.
   
10. What does a computer taste like?
    Now many people will not have tasted computer before so it’s a little difficult to describe.  Firstly when hunting and killing your own computer it is vital that you make sure that you’ve disconnected the power supply.  If you don’t your first bite may be accompanied by a slight tingle in the teeth followed by an almighty wallop.  Computers don’t tend to like getting bitten. However, once you’ve disconnected it a computer is best left overnight to cool and allow it’s capacitors to properly drain.  It is unwise to eat a computer whole as even a laptop is more than a mouthful.  Instead chop it into smaller component parts and eat raw.  Yes, I did say raw.  Cooking a hard drive invariably removes part of the taste and leaves an unpleasant burnt odor for sometime after.  When eaten raw a hard drive tastes a little off so you need to spin at about 5400 revolutions per minute to get the full flavour.  When you do it should taste a little like watercress but with more tang.
    
11. Is 30 old?
    I wish to phrase my answer as a haiku:
    Listen! a frog
    Jumping into the stillness
    Of an ancient pond!

    Or to phrase it another way: You are only as old as you let yourself feel.  Personally I stopped aging as 12 years.
    

12. Have you ever been to Mexico?
    You know I never have.
    
13. what’s your favorite word?
    Gangrenous.  Its so under used.
    
14. Why did you do it? (and what was it that you did?)
    She was just so inviting, lying there, with no embarrassment.  The most beautiful thing I had ever seen.   Her tongue was just moistening her lower lip.  Her hair had come loose from the band that she always kept it in and a soft black curl had drifted over her forehead.  She moved her arms up, beckoning me.  Pulling me towards her.  Stripping me of my inhibitions as she did my clothes.  I loved her in that instant with an intensity that terrified me.  Here was perfection and I had to possess it for myself.
    
15. Tell us something we don’t know…
    I have no belly button.

Wired

pumped-up(a): tense with excitement and enthusiasm as from a rush of adrenaline; “we were really pumped up for the race”; “he was so pumped he couldn’t sleep”

Bipolar: An analog semiconductor process technology characterized by fast switching speeds at the expense of high power consumption. Bipolar transistors can also function as fast speed digital circuits.

I’m a little wired today.  I have this project you see.  Sometimes I get like this where everything just falls together and I work like a demon.  No food, no drink, no sleep.  Just work till I drop.  I like to think I’m at my most creative when I do this but I probably make more mistakes per 1000 lines of coding than I would otherwise.

I’m also at my most obnoxious when I’m like this.  Some of you may have noticed the build up in the last week or so.  Sorry about that.

Anyway to focus my creative energies where I’m getting paid to focus them I’ll be taking a brief break from blogging.  I expect a week will be sufficient.  Wish me luck with the demon!

I’ve also got Stand on the Right’s excellent questions which I shall definitely do as soon as I stop being such a shit.

Work work busy busy chop chop

D’you remember how I said that I’d got ahead of my OU timetable?

Well I did.

Now I’m behind and need to submit my TMA in under twoweeks and I’ve done jack shit.  Can I borrow a time machine or could someone clone me so that I can get it finished in time?  Please.

No?  OK.  In that case I shall curse you with a picture of the new patch cabinet that I’m buying and have to go to Uckfield to take delivery of on Saturday morning.  Saturday morning mind!  A day when I should be sleeping, spending quality time with The Hildy to keep our relationship vibrant and shopping for Mother’s Day pressies.  Instead I’m sitting in an empty office with a car full of cable boxes and equipment running a cable plant and waiting for a delivery.

Tsk.

Have I mentioned that my TMA is due in two weeks?

Away with the fairies

Looky here.  It’s my other blog.

Hopefully I’ll be stopping for a drink at the Grand Central in Brighton (near the train station) on Thursday evening.  I’m hoping that Chloe will update and arrange blinkage but you never can tell.  She’s a woman with her own mind, after all.

Ta ta for now goodle people.

Working from home

I’m working from home today because The Hildy is going to a Mind Control Seminar* and won’t be here to pick the kids up when they finish school.

The main advantage of working from home is the absence of annoying distractions like the telephone ringing.  I know sales people have a job to do but I really don’t want to talk to them right when I’m in the middle of debugging a LotusScript agent that is supposed to be automatically allocating a field operative based on training and preferred working hours. 

Another advantage is that I can sit on my sofa in my dressing gown, leaving it open if I so desire, and drink all the tea I like while listening to the loudest music I want to.  I can even sing along.

Oh yeah.  Working from home is great.

Forgetting not to shut the front door properly, having the postman knock and the door swing open.  That’s not so great.  Still, it’s my house and if I want to let it all hang out then I can.

I’m off to soak in the bath for a bit.  See ya later.

*Possibly a Mental Health Seminar.

Singing

For some reason I keep singing today.  I blame my good mood on the most gorgeous and glamourous Chloe who met me in the Bright Town yestereve for a drink or several.  Of course she was very beautiful with her two tone hair and I was unable to restrain the urge to hug her in the middle of the Grand Central when she arrived.

We had a long and rambling conversation over a few bottles of wine that included (but was not limited to) the following topics:

• Death
• Scars
• Tattoos
• The Mutiny on the Bounty
• Christianity
• An affair that never happened
• The effects of bullying
• Kylie’s pants
• Funerals
• Crying
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer
• Blinks
• Counselling
• Work
• Private Detectives
• Bernard
• Suicide Girls
• Girl Guide Badges
• Fire
• Roll ups
• Distractions
• Getting beaten up
• London Loves

I’m not going into details because it was a private conversation and you should have come along if you wanted to join in.  So there!

Only two things marred an otherwise perfect evening between friends:

1. Mr “I’m going to go outside every five minutes to make a phone call and leave the door open so Chloe gets chilly” who kept leaving the door open.  I mean, just because it’s a public place it doesn’t mean that we don’t rule.
2. The last train from the Bright Town to my home was at 9:40pm which was unnaturally early for ending a night out.
3. Chloe admitted to not reading my blog.  Clearly this is a great sin but I can now talk about her to my heart’s content safe in the knowledge that she won’t know what I’ve said about her.  *tee hee*

I know, that’s three things but one of them doesn’t count.

So that was my evening.  It was more fun that yours so again with the “So there”

I leave you now with this Buffy quote:

“You know, people underestimate the value of a good ramble.”