I have a theory…

…it could be bunnies.

I explained to The Hildy my theory last night.  Whenever I explain one of my carefully thought out but slightly odd theories to The Hildy she gives me that look.  You know the one?  The “I love you but you’d better not have passed on your crazy genes to the kids” look.

At least she didn’t back away in terror like she did when I explained the idea about the people who live behind the mirror and pretend to be our reflections.  She’s obviously getting used to me.

Anyway, my theory.

The working week is too short for me to get all the work done that I need to do.  The weekend is too short for me to properly relax.  This makes Mondays particularly harrowing as I’m still in “weekend mode” while I have work to do.  Obviously I’d like to work less and relax more but needs must and all that so I cannot reduce the number of days overall that I work.  A solution came to me though. 

Rather than work 5 days in every 7 why not work 7 days in every 10.  The ratio works out almost the same.  Instead of working 260 days less holiday I’d work 256 days less holiday in a year.  The advantage is that I’d have enough time to do my work and get more time off at the weekend.

The problem I can see though is what to name the other three days.  Suggestions please.

Bored

I want to go home.

Can I?

It’s a simple question

Here at “someone else’s lilypad” it’s all about cost.  This costs X but we only get Y back.  That’s fine, it’s a business and we’ve got to make money.  Why then is it so difficult to get a straight answer about how much something costs from the people who buy things?

Witness this exchange.

Captain Spendy: We’re spending a darn fortune on ink cartridges.  It needs to stop dammit.

Big Boss: Yes, I agree.  Mr hoverFrog, what are the alternatives?

Me: How much do we spend?  How much do we use?  There are several options but it all boils down to the capital outlay and the cost per print.  You want a decent return on the investment.

*stunned silence*

Captain Spendy:  I dunno. 

Me:  Let me know when you do.

….later…..

Captain Spendy:  I’ve found a colour laser printer I like.  Here are the specs.  *makes some laser zappy sounds as I take the page from him*

Me: OK.  *glances at printout from Rip Off PC Company That We Don’t Use Anymore*  Um this works out at 59p per page of colour printing.  How does that compare with what you spend now?

Captain Spendy:  I dunno. 

Me:  Let me know when you do.

I can see this going on all day.  I may have to kill someone soon.

Doom

An earlier Metro tells a tale of global warming out of control.  It seems that we are all doomed to toast to death as the planet heats up.  Does this change the way that you plan on living your life?  Are you going to switch off the lights when you leave a room?  How about walking to work or catching the bus instead of driving? Do you plan on recycling more than you do now?

Do you even believe that global warming is a problem?

Rant

WHY WHY WHY can’t the yoof a today speak proper English like what I does?

Surely it’s an affectation rather than a lack of education?

Simple Faith

Tagged by Bill

Here are the “rules.”

* Answer the question on your blog.
* Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
* Link back to the original meme.
* Post these rules on your blog.
* Tag at least 5 people at the end of your post.
* Let each person you tag know that they have been tagged.

OK the question was “What is simply faith?”

Here is my response:

Simple faith is like that of a child before it is corrupted by vicious fact and the realities of a harsh world. How anyone hangs on to it as they go through life escapes me.

I’d imagine that such faith would be shed along with belief in the Tooth Fairy and Father Christmas. Seeing that it isn’t has made me consider that it might have more to it. Perhaps it’s because we ask for miracles from the Tooth Fairy (who changes old teeth for money) and Santa (who magically brings gifts on Christmas Eve) as children but learn that our parents actually perform these ‘miracles’. Whereas faith in the divine is less refutable given the vagaries of the miracles requested.

Who to tag?

Well most people I know don’t give a monkey’s about religion so just go ahead and tag yourself.

Postman Pat

I’m trying to find out when the last delivery date for Christmas cards to the US of A is.

Don’t bother with Royal Mail because their stupid website seems to indicate that they don’t deliver post.  I’m not sure if the site is accurate or not.  You can’t get through on the phone either.  Maybe I should write to them.

Postman Pat has been added to my human cull.

And his bloody cat an’ all.

Who am I?

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers (and sisters) who live in the land of blog form ideas about our fellows.  Sweet Blue Soup suggested that Curious Cataclismical is…well why not read her own words:

I have only seen one photo of you and I just can’t imagine you cleaning. You are way too sparky for boring household things like that. You drink wine all day and have a dirty laugh. That is what I think anyway). xx

This made me wonder.  What do you actually imagine that your fellow bloggers are like?  At the surety of public ridicule I therefore invite those rarest of bloggers (anyone who reads this) to share with me their thoughts on how they imagine me.

I’ll try not to cry.

SOUNDTRACK TO MY LIFE:

So, here’s how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool and no disclaimers allowed.

Opening Credits:
When You’re Young – The Jam

Waking Up:
Just as Nice – Man of the Year

First Day At School:
To Have And To Have Not – Billy Bragg

Falling In Love:
Distance Equals Rate Times Time – The Pixies

Fight Song:
Beat Surrender – The Jam

Breaking Up:
Hands Clean – Alanis Morissette

Prom:
Dawn’s Ballet – The Cast of Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Mental Breakdown:
Naked – Avril Lavigne

Driving:
Eventually – Pink

Flashback:
Lover’s Rock – The Clash

Getting back together:
La La Love You – The Pixies

Wedding:
Walk On By – The Stranglers

Birth of Child:
Hell’s Ditch – The Pogues

Final Battle:
Samba – Bond

Death Scene:
Picture this – Blondie

Funeral Song:
It’s a Hard Life – Queen

End Credits:
Beauty On The Fire – Natalie Imbruglia

So very true

http://www.defectiveyeti.com/iacaptchas/

I know!