Arrgh! Grrr! Feck!
I hate working the helpdesk. People are just so incomprehensibly vague, I’ve just had a conversation. I call it a conversation but it’s really abuse.
Mad Woman: When I click the thing it says Yes or No. I clicked No. Now it doesn’t work.
Me, with my helpful hat on: OK, what thing did you click? It sounds like a message asking you something with a Yes\No answer. What was the message?
Mad Woman: I dunno, I didn’t read it.
Me, with my spinning helpful hat: I see. OK then, what were you doing when the window popped up?
Mad Woman: Everything. It happens when I do anything. Your system is crap.
Me, putting aside my helpful hat: OK, can you open the system that you were in and talk me through your actions and I’ll be able to see what is causing the error.
Mad Woman: What? I’ve shut down now. Hang on I’ll switch it on. *mutters abuse about rubbish computer*
Me, twisting my helpful hat in my hands: *curses silently, why ring for help when the object you need help with is switched off* Sigh.
Mad Woman: Right, it’s on now. Wait the time is wrong, how do I change it?
Me, throwing my helpful hat to the floor and stamping on it: Can we deal with the first issue and then I’ll sort out your clock. Open the system and talk me through the problem.
Mad Woman: Well that’s no good, the time is wrong, how am I going to tell the time if it is wrong? Your system is crap. It can’t even keep the right time.
Me, grinding the helpful hat into the floor with my foot: *explains how to fix the clock* Now the system that is generating the error, can you open it?
Mad Woman: OK, I go into a job and..Oh.. It’s working now. It wasn’t before, what have you done? It’s working now. Your system is crap.
What a waste of bloody time. I don’t know what the error was, where it occurred or what caused it. Next time it happens the Mad Woman will ring again and tell me that she “thought I’d fixed it. Your system’s crap” and then I will have to kill her by stuffing my mangled hat down her throat until she turns blue.
I’m going to savour my coffee now and calm down. I need a helpdesk monkey. I can be a server monkey or a code monkey but I can’t do helpdesk any more. It makes me think bad thoughts with murder and mayhem in them. No more please.