Monthly Archives: August 2007

Two little things

Bill posted this yesterday and it was interesteing so I’m copying it.

I’d like to ask these two simple questions:

  • If you could travel to any two places in the world, where would you go?
  • If you could change two things about the world, what would you change?


Filed under Keen Scimitar +2

Bog roll

Cataclismical, that paragon of virtue, has blogged about Cleanliness (which we all know is between Godliness and Good Enunciation) and I wanted to share something with you to demonstrate just how obsessive I can be.

I am the only chap in the office who changes the empty loo roll cardboardy inner thing for a new loo roll.  That isn’t the worst about me though.  If, by some chance, the loo roll has been changed by the cleaner and it is facing the wrong way, I have to turn it round.  The paper has to hang down away from the wall.

    ||        __
W ||       /      \
A  ||==|          |
L  ||       \__  / |
L  ||                |
    ||               |   <=== This side.  Very important.
    ||               |

I do this at home as well.

I don’t know what happens in the ladies though.  It is another place where I dare not tread.

Now, please pass on one of your own foibles so that I may be amused by it.  If you don’t have a foible that you wish to share I’d quite like a peccadillo instead.


Filed under van de graaf

What’s got a hazelnut in every bite?

As fascinating as my continuing rants against estate agents and solicitors are I think this blog could probably do with a topic or two. 

I hereby invite you to suggest something.  Ask me a question please.


Filed under You decide

Jelly Brained Solicitors

I was planning on moving house on Friday.  I mean my house does look like an explosion at a box factory.  We’re even using the stronger boxes as furniture.

Unfortunately my solicitor has forgotten to deal with one or two vital points including a Deed of Covenant and the signature of a witness on a document that they have had for two months.  The buyers of my humble abode have a solicitor even less competent than mine because they have forgotten to order the Drainage and Water searches that they should have ordered as soon as they were instructed. 

Everyone is angry.  The people we are buying from are angry because they want to move and no one is telling them what the delay is.  We’re angry because everyone we deal with seems to have lime jelly for brains.  The buyer of my house are angry because he is in London and needs to drive back one night to sign a piece of paper that he could have had ages ago.  His mum is angry, I’m not sure why, maybe she’s clingy but that’s beside the point.  The only people who aren’t angry are the estate agents who will soon be paid a vast sum of money for doing very little.  This is making me angry.  Even the kids are angry.  OK, we took their beds down and they have to sleep on the floor but I’m sure that is some jelly brained solicitors fault somehow.

I may hulk out tomorrow.

Plus I now have to buy some food….and some alcohol.

I apologise in advance for rude and/or cutting comments that I may come out with in the next ten days.  I may just stick to egg related blogs to be on the safe side.

I’m going to bed now to stew in my own suppressed rage.


Filed under Cull, le château de grenouille, Shitbiscuits

Olivia’s Meme

Getting Acquainted

1. What time did you get up this morning?
6am.  It’s a work day after all.

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds.  At least I’m happy about where they’ve come from.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Transformers.  It was actually quite good.

4. What’s your favorite TV show?
Saturday morning cartoons probably.  Something I can just switch off and watch.

5. What did you have for breakfast?
Nothing.  I’m not a breakfast person….although in the literal meaning of breakfast it would have been a crisp sarnie.

6. What’s your favorite cuisine?
Usually whatever it is I’m cooking at the time.  Either that or Chinese or Indian food.

7. What foods do you dislike?
Anything that used to move on it’s own.  Custard.

8. What is your favorite chip flavor?
Chip is a flavour.  With salt and lashings of vinegar, maybe some brown sauce and mustard….Oh you mean crisps.  Plain\ready salted.

9. What’s your favorite CD at the moment?
Good grief, I’m not that consistent.  My iPod has never been off shuffle.

10. What kind of car do you drive?
Shoe.  Yes, I walk.

11. Favorite sandwich?
Usually something involving cheese. Cheese and tomato, cheese salad, plain cheese, cheese and crisps, cheese and mango chutney, cheese and mustard, cheese and mayo.  You get the idea.

12. What characteristics do you despise?
Dishonesty, conceit, self loathing.

13. Favorite item of clothing?
My green trainers.  They cost me £6 dontchaknow.

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
In the world?  Erm, I’d quite like to see the Grand Canyon but then the Pyramids are quite cool as well.  Can I phone a friend?

15. What color is your bathroom(s)?
White and green (of course)

16. Favorite brand of clothing?
Clothes come in brands?

17. Where would you retire to: beach, or wooded retreat?
Wooded retreat.  Woods are cooler than beaches.  Literally and figuratively

18. Favorite time of the day?
Night.  While not technically part of the day I still like night best.  I especially like that pre-dawn night when the world is just waking up.

19. What were your most memorable birthdays?
Not my own.  I think that Snarly’s first birthday is the one I’ll remember best.

20. Where were you born?

21. Favorite sport to watch?
I hate watching sports.  Honestly I can’t think of anything duller.

22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?
Not a soul

23. Person you expect to send it back first?
See 22 above.

24. What fabric detergent do you use?
Not sure as we keep changing it.  It has to be made by an ethical company or at least one that has good PR so as to hide it’s unethical behaviour well.

25. Were you named after anyone?
Yes I was named after Jason King – mustancioed hero of 70s TV and footballer Clyde Best.

26. Do you wish on stars?
What would be the point in that?  Do you wish on other burning gases?  Pah, I mock your superstitiousness.

27. When did you last cry?
As a sturdy man I never cry and even if I did I’d never admit it.  Instead I will just stand here and look grim.  Possibly stoic.

28. Do you like your handwriting?
I’m the only one who needs to read the things that I write.  Even my children mock my handwriting.

29. What is your most embarrassing flaw?
I am without fault.  Probably my arrogance.

30. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
No.  One of me is more than enough.  If there were two mes then we’d always argue.  The phrase devil’s advocate was made for me.  As was pompous twerp.

31. Are you a daredevil?
From the eponymous Marvel comics?  Sadly not.

32. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell?
Never, I would never swear on such a thing.

33. Do looks matter?
Not if you want to shag me but definitely if it’s the other way round.

34. How do you release anger?
I bottle it up and then explode.  It’s the best way even if it can be messy.

35. Where is your second home?
Home is where the heart is.  I have no second home.

36. What were your favorite toys as a child?
I had a meccano set so it was either that or my scalectrix.

37. What class in high school do you think was totally useless?
There is nothing useless about education.  Even RE had some use.

38. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
No.  I am never sarcastic.  What do you think?

39. Favorite movies?
Dangerous Liaisons.  The Malkovich\Close version.

40. What are your nicknames?
Nothing repeatable.

41. Would you bungee jump?

42. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Of course.

43. Do you think that you are strong?
Hulk is the strongest one there is.

44. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
Sadly it is the humble vanilla.  How very English of me.

45. What are your favorite colors?

46. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
My love of cake.

47. Who do you miss the most?
No-one.  I honestly don’t miss anyone at all. 

48. Do you want everyone you sent this to send it back?
No 🙂

49. What color pants are you wearing?
I only put them on this morning.  You’d think I’d remember.  Hang on, I’ve got to check….red….why is everyone in the office staring at me?

50. What are you listening to right now?
The sounds of my keyboard clackety clacking.

51. Last thing you ate?
The same thing I had for breakfast.  A crisp sarnie.

52. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Rainbow.  Yes you can buy rainbow coloured crayons.  I’ve seen them.

53. Last person you talked to on the phone?
The Hildy.

54. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Is this a ploy to determine how sexist I am?  It depends on whether they are walking towards me or away from me.

55. Favorite Drink?
Either tea or coffee.  I can’t even be consistent when it comes to a beverage.

56. Do you wear contacts?
No, I don’t like the idea of sticking something in my eye.

57. Favorite Day of the Year?
International Talk Like a Pirate Day – September 19th.

58. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?
Scary movie

59. Hugs OR Kisses?
Kisses.  I like both but you made me choose.  A passionate kiss should include at least some hugging.

60. What Is Your Favorite Dessert?
An apple.  Seriously.  I like apples.  OK, not what you meant.  How about Apple crumble?

61. What Book(s) Are You Reading?
I am reading 2001 a space odyssey for the very first time.

62. What’s On Your Mouse Pad?
Haven’t got one, you don’t need them for optical mice.

63. What Did You Watch Last night on TV?
Nothing, I don’t think there was anything worth watching.  I sat in my garden and talked with The Hildy instead.

64. Favorite Smells?
A thunderstorm.  Sea.  Grass after a rain.  Freshly cut grass.  Baking bread.

65. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
The Stones.


Filed under Facebook Generation

NOT Easter

BlueSoup says that she can only just cook an egg.

I can think of loads of ways to cook an egg:

  1. Baked (oeufs en cocotte)
  2. Boiled (soft and hard)
  3. Coddled (even in a microwave)
  4. Deviled (ooh spicy)
  5. Fried (I like mine crispy)
  6. Poached (my favourite)
  7. Scrambled (with pepper)
  8. Omelette (with lots of melted cheese)
  9. Pickled (brown vinegar and chillis)

How do you like your eggs in the morning?


Filed under Recipe for disaster

Hovering Frogs

Polly told me about this.

Proof that we frogs can hover. 


Filed under Reasons to be cheerful

hoverFrog recommends

The Dead Poets Society.

Yes it’s an old film and hardly one for action or special effects but it is still a good film.  Some people would call it a feel good movie or a chick flick but I still enjoy watching it.  Robin Williams is masterful in his role as Professor Keating who inspires his students to “Seize the Day”.  Fans of poetry can also point out the numerous errors in the quotes…correcting movies never gets tired.

Fans of House MD (Season 3 finished last night) will also have a good laugh at a young Robert Leonard (Dr Wilson) who appears not to have aged as much as he should have.

Have a good weekend everyone.


Filed under Reasons to be cheerful, You decide


This should make you chortle if you’ve ever “worked the helpdesk like a bitch”.  It’s a genuine helpdesk request received today from a team leader in the company that I work for.

Category: Arrears system
Title: Joint ARC/OCV’s
Nature of Request
Please state clearly what the problem or improvement is, add a list of alternatives that you have considered and then a suggested course of action.

There is a problem and it does not work.  The system copies the address which is the incorrect address. 

Yes, that’s right:  “There is a problem and it does not work”.  Really specific so as to assist the IT staff in locating and rectifying the problem.  I mean, honestly, why did I devise error codes for all the common errors?  Why did I bother to capture each error and display it on screen for the user to provide feedback?

For fun, that’s why.  I suppose I should be grateful that it’s been narrowed down to one of the 17 databases that are in production use.

In other news:  At what point does enough coffee become too much coffee?  In mugs please.


Filed under Shitbiscuits, van de graaf


Helen and Bill have reminded me of something that I think that I’ve been forgetting recently.  Namely appreciating the little things in life.  I’ve been so het up with the sheer volume of work that I have, my OU work and moving house that I’ve stopped paying attention to the good (free) things in life.

In order to try to back away from the stress somewhat I was hoping that you’d all be really helpful and suggest one thing that makes you go “ahh, lovely” and take a moment just to appreciate it.  It doesn’t matter what it is, it could be the smell of a storm on a summer’s day, light streaming through the curtains when you wake up, the smiling face of an inquisitive child or something else.  I just want to know what makes you tick.

If you can’t decide then just give me your top five or ten. 😉


Filed under You decide