Ages ago I wrote some predictions for 2008.
Here are my five predictions:
Well known celebrity couple Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt (Bradgelina) will announce a split and will go their separate ways.
FAIL. It appears that the celebrity couple are still together.
Hillary Clinton will be the first female president of the United States of America. I’m only saying this because the democrats will probably win and I’m certain that Americans will vote for a woman before they will vote for a black man.
FAIL. Clinton lost out to Barack Obama early on so that didn’t happen..
England will experience freak weather conditions on an unprecedented scale. I include heat waves, snow storms and\or tornadoes. None of these will stop me from getting to work though…unfortunately.
FAIL. We had the usual weather this year as far as i could tell. At least there was nothing so strange as to be newsworthy.
There will be a large food scare in England akin to the salmonella, BSE, or bird flu farces of recent years. I don’t know, maybe it’ll be the turn of vegetables to receive some bad press.
FAIL. Again there were some little scares and some silly rumours mainly involving Scottish salmon and grain but no big scares.
The west will go to war against a major nation in the middle east… again.
FAIL. I was expecting a big war in Iran by that nutter Bush but it never happened. We may well be picking fights with our middle eastern cousins but there is no major assault.
That’s terrible. Zero out of five. Dom did much better with four out of five. Clearly my psychic powers were on the fritz last year. Perhaps I should try to be a bit more outrageous in my claims.
With that in mind these are my 2009 Psychic Predictions from the Brain of Destiny.
- Sticking to American politics I’m going to go for an assassination attempt against the President. His first year in office and a new face always upsets a few loonies. This may be too easy as there were whisperings of nutters coming out of the woodwork from the minute he put his hat in the election. I’m going out on a limb here and I’m going to suggest that the assassination fails miserably and improves the public perception of Barack Obama due to his level headed handling of the event.
- Banks will continue to be greedy, irresponsible buggers. Now that they know that the government will bail them out when they make costly mistakes they will stop caring about risk and invest in all sorts of hare-brained schemes while throwing away confidential information or leaving it down the pub. Something stupid like that. The FSA will fail to make a difference.
- I have a particular dislike of the BNP as a bunch of racist loudmouthed twats. I therefore predict see some serious legal ramifications for some hate mongering by the BNP. Perhaps a senior policeman gets sacked or a court case challenges them in a publicly embarrassing way. I don’t want to get too specific because that’s not how predictions work. The words BNP, legal, and funny will certainly be involved though.
- Setting aside politics and steering clear of religion (for a change) I focus prediction number four directly on the mystical configurations of the cult of celebrity. A footballer’s wife, perhaps one who sings a bit, will be exposed in the press as being a bit unfaithful. The popular press will use such choice and sensitive phrases as “slapper” and “love cheat” and I fully expect Richard Littlejohn’s head to explode with glee. As a private matter I will fail miserably to have an opinion but the constant chatter about two people who I’ve never heard of will annoy me and I’ll be forced to blog about it.
- No prediction would be complete with a little popular news, Zimbabwe in this case. The country will continue to deteriorate and nobody will do anything about it. Not a thing. There will be plenty of talk though.
That’s it. What are yours?
Are you doing anything special tonight?
What was the best pressie that Santa gave you for Christmas?
We got a Wii. It’s fantastic.
Any tips on how to get rich quick? All this working for a living is too tiring.
I’m reliably informed that one tradition of Festivus is the Airing of Grievances. Therefore I would like to air a few here.
Actually, I don’t have any, you lot are all lovely.
Onto the Feats of Strength: I have the power to lift a giant bunny.
Stolen from Hemant.
- Participated in the Blasphemy Challenge.
- Met at least one of the “Four Horsemen” (Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennett, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris) in person.
- Created an atheist blog.
- Used the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a religious debate with someone.
- Gotten offended when someone called you an agnostic.
- Been unable to watch Growing Pains reruns because of Kirk Cameron.
- Own more Bibles than most Christians you know.
- Have at least one Bible with your personal annotations regarding contradictions, disturbing parts, etc.
- Have come out as an atheist to your family.
- Attended a campus or off-campus atheist gathering.
- Are a member of an organized atheist/Humanist/etc. organization.
- Had a Humanist wedding ceremony.
- Donated money to an atheist organization.
- Have a bookshelf dedicated solely to Richard Dawkins.
- Lost the friendship of someone you know because of your non-theism.
- Tried to argue or have a discussion with someone who stopped you on the street to proselytize.
- Hid your atheist beliefs on a first date because you didn’t want to scare him/her away.
- Own a stockpile of atheist paraphernalia (bumper stickers, buttons, shirts, etc).
- Attended a protest that involved religion.
- Attended an atheist conference.
- Subscribe to Pat Condell’s YouTube channel.
- Started an atheist group in your area or school.
- Successfully “de-converted” someone to atheism.
- Have already made plans to donate your body to science after you die.
- Told someone you’re an atheist only because you wanted to see the person’s reaction.
- Had to think twice before screaming “Oh God!” during sex. Or you said something else in its place.
- Lost a job because of your atheism.
- Formed a bond with someone specifically because of your mutual atheism (meeting this person at a local gathering or conference doesn’t count).
- Have crossed “In God We Trust” off of — or put a pro-church-state-separation stamp on — dollar bills.
- Refused to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.
- Said “Gesundheit!” (or nothing at all) after someone sneezed because you didn’t want to say “Bless you!”
- Have ever chosen not to clasp your hands together out of fear someone might think you’re praying.
- Have turned on Christian TV because you need something entertaining to watch.
- Are a 2nd or 3rd (or more) generation atheist.
- Have “atheism” listed on your Facebook or dating profile — and not a euphemistic variant.
- Attended an atheist’s funeral (i.e. a non-religious service).
- Subscribe to an freethought magazine (e.g. Free Inquiry, Skeptic)
- Have been interviewed by a reporter because of your atheism.
- Written a letter-to-the-editor about an issue related to your non-belief in God.
- Gave a friend or acquaintance a New Atheist book as a gift.
- Wear pro-atheist clothing in public.
- Have invited Mormons/Jehovah’s Witnesses into your house specifically because you wanted to argue with them.
- Have been physically threatened (or beaten up) because you didn’t believe in God.
- Receive Google Alerts on “atheism” (or variants).
- Received fewer Christmas presents than expected because people assumed you didn’t celebrate it.
- Visited The Creation Museum or saw Ben Stein’s Expelled just so you could keep tabs on the “enemy.”
- Refuse to tell anyone what your “sign” is… because it doesn’t matter at all.
- Are on a mailing list for a Christian organization just so you can see what they’re up to…
- Have kept your eyes open while you watched others around you pray.
- Avoid even Unitarian churches because they’re too close to religion for you.
Only 21. Tsk, I’m barely atheist at all. Of course I blame the high number of USA specific questions for my low score. Dollars indeed. Flipping monopoly money, English ten pound notes have Charles Darwin on them, that’s hardcore.