Monthly Archives: January 2008


I may be vegetarian but there are limits…



Filed under Lazy Blogging


I hate dealing with sales people in big companies.  Hate it.  Hate it.  HATE IT!

I’ve been navigating through a shitty little automated telephone system for the last ten minutes.  Press 1 for business calls, press 2 for residential service, press 3 to have red hot needles shoved slowly into your eyeballs, press 4 to listen to really bad music until your ears bleed.  Ten minutes of my life that I will never get back.

It’s a simple enough query: We have a home worker who we want to make sales calls for us.  If they were a BT customer they could prefix their calls and the business would be billed for the calls.  They are a Virgin customer though.  All I want to know is if they offer this service.


I got connected to a very nice Indian gentleman who I think is called Glaplutttteaaa.  He may be Klingon rather than Indian, it’s hard to tell given the quality of the phone line.  He’s very polite and is using my name at the end of every sentence.  I don’t suppose Klingons would be all that polite.

I’ve explained what I need and he has very helpfully repeated it back to me.  Sadly he’s repeated it back to me wrong.  Twice.



I’ve finally made Glaplutttteaaa understand.  Or perhaps I’ve finally explained myself clearly enough.  Who knows?  I’m being put through to someone else.  Maybe I’ll get a Vulcan this time or a Romulan.


Glaplutttteaaa put me through to Tony.  I don’t think that Tony is a very Romulan name.  It sounds like the name of an Earthling.  I’m confused though because the line is so faint and crackly that I must be talking to someone at the other end of the galaxy.

Having got my postcode (why?) he now tells me that they don’t offer this service.  Well.  I’m obviously pleased to know this and won’t waste any more time with them.


The chief executive has just phoned me.  Literally minutes after my conversation with Glaplutttteaaa and Tony of the Klingon Empire.  Apparently the sales person has a spare phone line and will use that to make calls with.

I’m having one of those days when I feel like I’ve been transported to an alternate universe where I’m an unwitting actor in a very bad sitcom.  I can almost hear the canned laughter.  Where is the remote control?


Filed under Bad things happen, Cull, Modern Etiquette

Zombie Apocalypse



Filed under Lazy Blogging, Zombie shelter

Tell me why…

…I don’t like Mondays.

On 29 January 1979, 16-year-old Brenda Ann Spencer opened fire on children arriving at Cleveland Elementary School in San Diego from her house across the street, killing two men and wounding eight students and a police officer. Principal Burton Wragg was attempting to rescue children in the line of fire when he was shot and killed, and custodian Mike Suchar was slain attempting to aid Wragg.

Spencer used a rifle her father had given her as a gift. As to what impelled her into this form of murderous madness, she told a reporter,”I don’t like Mondays. This livens up the day.”

The “Mondays” comment was not the only eyebrow-raising declaration to issue from Spencer that day. According to a report written by the police negotiators who spoke with her during the six-hour standoff, she made such comments to them as ”There was no reason for it, and it was just a lot of fun”; ”It was just like shooting ducks in a pond”; and ”[the children ] looked like a herd of cows standing around, it was really easy pickings.”

That Spencer failed to kill any of the children she shot at was attributable to luck rather than any reluctance on her part to take their lives. The bullet that struck 9-year-old Charles “Cam” Miller missed his heart by about an inch.

Spencer pled guilty to two counts of murder and assault with a deadly weapon and was sentenced to 25 years to life in prison.

(Taken from Snopes)

Honestly though, have you never felt like opening fire on a bunch of random people?  The fact that these sort of murders occur so infrequently is testament to the moral strength of the human race.  I wonder though:  Are we losing our morals in the modern age or is it simply that better weaponry and more efficient reporting make stories like this commonplace?


Filed under Bad things happen

I got a reply from the Government

Your petition has been approved by the Number 10 web team, and is now available on the Number 10 website at the following address:

Your petition reads:We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to introduce first aid training for pupil into schools

Anyone can suffer an accident at any time. Survival rates are improved for people who receive first aid quickly. Few adults are aware of what to do in the event of an accident. Teaching children how to give first aid will grant them the skills required to perhaps save a life.

Thanks for submitting your petition.

— the ePetitions team


Filed under Lazy Blogging, You decide

Meme: Seven things I approve of

Potage de bleu de Mlle has charged me with citing seven things that I approve of.  I was going to be lazy and just list the Seven Deadly Sins but I’ve opted for a more personal approach.  Here they are:

1. Questions

Ignorance is a terrible thing and the best way of dispelling ignorance is to ask questions.  Accepting something without questioning it is just stupid.  If you disagree don’t bother to ask me why.

2. Being wrong

This goes on from the previous point really but I get to be wrong about lots of different things a lot of the time.  The wonderful thing about being wrong is that I can admit it and change my mind.  If I was never wrong I’d miss out on that.

3. Anger

Good righteous anger makes for change.  When people get angry they get motivated to change things.

4. Electricity

Honestly, I would be able to do almost nothing without electricity.  It’s a wonderful form of energy.

5. Mortality

This is complicated but mortality is vital to life and the appreciation of it.

6. The occasional expletive

I don’t mean the constant swearing that can be heard in any builder’s yard but a well placed expletive can add gravitas to an otherwise mild sentence.  It needs to be rare though otherwise the impact is diminished.

7. Cuddling

As a social animal I enjoy physical contact and cuddling is good for that.  Plus it’s lazy and I like lazy too but I ran out of points.

Tag thyself.


Filed under Lazy Blogging, Reasons to be cheerful

Roundhead. Not Cavalier.

I get an email each day with a Word of the Day.  Tucked at the end of the email is usually a quote.  Today’s quote made me laugh out loud and tell everyone at the bus stop.  Luckily they were family members so there aren’t any more people out there who think I’m crazy.

Here it is:

“Our heads are round so that thoughts can change direction.” – Francis Picabia, painter and poet (1879-1953)


Filed under Reasons to be cheerful


I’m at my gran’s funeral on Monday in Wisbech.  My little brother is picking me up from Peterborough at 11 am and dropping me off at 6 pm after the wake.

Between 6:30 and 8:30 I’ll be in London before leaving from Waterloo.  Anyone fancy a pint?  Is Bonaparte’s still in the station?


Filed under Reasons to be cheerful


Google Quotes of the Day had this little gem to say:

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Dorothy Nevill

Now I know where I’ve been going wrong all these years.  I wish someone had told me.


Filed under Modern Etiquette

Blood (pronounced Bloooooood)

I’m off shortly to receive my thrice yearly puncture with a needle.  They’re going to take a good armful of the red stuff and in return I shall have the opportunity to read for about an hour with no interruptions and to drink their tea and eat their biscuits.

Today marks my 40th blood donation.  If I were a Jehovah’s Witness I’d have accumulated five lots of damnation for my good deeds (although it isn’t a pint really, I’m just saying it is) and would really expect some extra torment for my troubles.  Summer 2011 should mark my 50th contribution and I look forward to receiving my GOLD badge.  It’s like being a cub scout all over again.

I must say that it is not only through great determination and skill that I will have reached the dizzy heights of 40 donations.  It is also through great physical age.  No, don’t mock.  A younger man could never match my achievement…OK technically someone of 32 or higher could but anyone under 30 could never hope to match my achievement.  Not without dishonesty.

If you have an hour to spare and seek to emulate my greatness or even if you just have an hour to spare then please go and give blood.  It’s worth doing.



Upon stumbling about t’Internet I found this which is very worthy and a little funny.  Also totally unrelated to Bela Lugosi.


Filed under Reasons to be cheerful