Category Archives: I am

Billy Blood Drop

I’ve been giving blood for many, many years now.  I’ve donated enough of the red stuff to nearly fill up five desiccated humans.  I’ve been on the bone marrow register for more than a decade and been a close match three times.  Yet, not once in all that time, not once in 18 years has Billy Blood Drop ever made an appearance.

On my next burpday I think that Billy should really make the effort.  I’d like a visit for a change, a handshake or even a manly pat on the back.  Granted I’ve been drinking his tea for a while and he always leaves some biscuits to munch on.  Yesterday he even left two packets of hula hoops.  I was going to eat one but these little kids were waiting while their dad was giving blood.  I had to let them have the hoopy goodness while I contented myself with my ginger nuts.

Does anyone have any empirical evidence that hula hoops are smaller in the 21st century than in the 20th.  They seem smaller but my hands weren’t quite as rugged and sturdy as they are now.  I could fit the hoops on each of my fingers and then snarf all 10 in quick succession.  Now even my pinky has trouble wedging into a hula hoop.  I swear they’ve shrunk the blighters.

Anyway Billy.  A decent enough bloke really but he’d be more popular if we could see him more often.  I know he hangs round hospital wards and does his bit for “charidy” (he doesn’t like to talk about it) but he’s never down the pub getting the round in.  Why is that?  Do you think he’s one of those tea totallers that you hear about?

Can you bloggers do me a favour?  Pop into your next blood donor session and give blood.  If you see Billy hanging around, maybe flirting with the ladies, then get back to me.  It may be that I’m just in the wrong place at the wrong time and I keep missing him.

Thanking you.

21 Comments

Filed under I am, Reasons to be cheerful

OK, I’m vegetarian, not vegan but this is funny.

5 Comments

Filed under Debate, I am, Recipe for disaster

Bubble Pop Electric

Stolen from Mas, a little Meme to play with

01. put your music player (Mine is called Norrin the iPod) on shuffle
02. for each question press the ‘next’ button to get your answer
03. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

If someone says ‘is that ok’ you say;
Waiting (Shakespear’s Sister)

what would best describe your personality;
Time after time (Cyndi Lauper)

what do you like in a guy or girl;
We will rock you (Queen)

how do you feel today;
Flowers in out hair (All About Eve)

what is your life’s purpose;
Falling off the edge of the world (Black Sabbath)

what is your motto;
Dead guys with bombs (Christoph Beck)

what do your friends think of you;
Sympathetic Character (Alanis Morissette)

what do you think of often;
Hell’s Ditch (The Pogues)

what do you think of your best friend;
Shine (Bond)

what do you think of the person you like;
How soon is now? (t.a.T.u)

what is your life story;
Well, Well (Nelly Furtado)

what do you want to be when you grow up;
I want it all (Queen)

what do you think when you see the person you like;
Pretty Little Dum Dum (Anastacia)

what do your parents think of you;
No pressure over cappucino (Alanis Morissette)

how will you feel at your funeral;
I’ll set you free (The Bangles)

what will they play at your wedding;
County Girl (Black Sabbath)

what is your hobby or interest;
War Pigs (Black Sabbath)

what is your biggest fear;
Complicated Girl (The Bangles)

what is your biggest secret;
Rock your socks (Tenacious D)

what do you think of your friends;
Give me novacaine (Green Day)

what song will you repost this as;
Bubble Pop Electric (Gwen Stefani)

3 Comments

Filed under I am, You decide

Too annoyed to blog

I’m actually too annoyed to blog about what is annoying me.  I just want to punch something.  This is not healthy so rather than spread my irritableness around I’m taking a break.

Don’t even mention Friday the 13th.  It’s superstitious nonsense and the twonks that I work with seem to be paralysed with fear because of it.  It’s the 21st Century for fuck’s sake.  Not the bloody middle ages.

See, that’s the sort of mood I’m in.  It’s better that I just go off and work before I annoy anyone else.

7 Comments

Filed under Bad things happen, I am, Shitbiscuits

Smug Mode

I’ve just been told that people need a dictionary to understand what I say.

If I could possibly be described as insufferable smug before this statement, it is doubly so now.  I am a genius compared to the people that I share an office with.  Mine is an evil laugh.

An alternate theory is that compared to the people that I share an office with a retarded chipmunk would be considered a genius.

I’m going for the former but I strongly suspect the latter.

10 Comments

Filed under I am, Reasons to be cheerful, Your starter for 10

Arse about Face

Facebook tells me I have 11 friends.  How come I only ever see one of you lot regularly then.  Eh?  The rest of you never call, you never write.  I only got a Christmas card from one of you and you’re from Americaland.  It’s not even as if I live on the moon or anything, for most of you I’m only an hour down the road.

*weep*

Enough of that!

—-

Work continues to be a hotbed of scandal rife with miscarriages of justice….or at least the office gossips think it is.  Personally I’ve grown bored with the whole “who’s making the beast with two backs with who”, “guess what so and so said about such and such” and “Wassername from marketing told thingy that she’d had bum sex with her new boyfriend.”.  If you want to spread gossip please provide some juice behind it or at least make it interesting and about me.

Hot Gossip

In other news I’ve been trying to educate my eldest daughter, Snarly, in the topic of music.  It goes something like this:

Me: Snarly, for the love of all that is good and righteous in this world listen to my music.

Me: *puts on a CD of The Sex Pistols*

Me: This is what would be considered “Good” music.

Snarly: Da-ad

Me: Shush child! This is considerably better than that crummy Busted that you listen to.

Snarly: McFly dad.

Me: The point is that if all the members of a band dance then the music is rubbish.

Snarly: Can I do my homework now dad?

Me: This is more important than homework!

Snarly: Da-ad

You see what I have to deal with at home.  No wonder I’m a nervous wreck.

4 Comments

Filed under I am, Shitbiscuits

Shoes

I’ve left my work shoes at one of the offices and need to get some more before Tuesday because we have clients visiting and they don’t seem to appreciate seeing me in my socks.  I have therefore spend the last two hours *ahem, working from home remember* shopping for new shoes. 

My method is very straightforward when it comes to shoe shopping.  I march directly up to the counter, glare at the spotty twelve year old with the name badge and say in a loud and clear voice: “Please bring me all your size twelve shoes so that I may select an appropriate pair”.  I have found that this method is better than selecting a pair of shoes and being told that they don’t have them in my size.

I have other criteria:

  • I don’t want leather in my footwear;
  • I don’t want heels, honestly I’m 6’4″ and don’t need to be any taller;
  • I want laces and not slip on shoes, I’m all growed up now and I’ve been tying my own laces for over thirty years.

For some reason my search for new shoes has proven unsuccessful.  I don’t understand it. 

The Hildy tells me that some people actually enjoy shoe shopping.

How I could look in heels

I really don’t want heels.

14 Comments

Filed under I am