Human Cull Part II – Method

Apart from a few alterations and dozens of additions we’re pretty much agreed that we’re going to cull the human race.  The question now arises as to the method of culling.  Obviously cruelty should be avoided so we can’t have attack dogs.  We don’t want to upset people with the prospect that they need to go out and kill their neighbours so we need specialist for the job.  At the same time we don’t want to overlook an opportunity for some free amusement.

Naturally I can no longer use phone in polls to gauge public opinion because all the dishonest operators associated with such shoddy practices are going to die.  I therefore propose voting here on the best method for culling the masses.

  1. Genetically engineer dinosaur clones, train them to avoid the select few who are to survive and release them into the general populous.  The advantage of this is that anyone smart enough to survive and escape the dinosaurs will enhance the gene pool and probably shouldn’t have been culled anyway.  Also dinosaurs are really cool.
  2. Sioned trains death squads in the arts of murder and torture (just for fun) and they systematically travel the world ending the lives of all who no longer deserve to live.  The advantage here is that they would obviously look really hot in their tight black uniforms so everyone will be happy. 

  3. We engineer a war between the nations who favour pirates and those who favour ninjas.  Not only would this be the coolest fight ever as sides would need to be appropriately dressed but there’ll be plenty of opportunity for yelling Yarr! or moving stealthily (depending on your preference).  Of course the disadvantage is the increased chance of collateral casualties.

  4. We challenge the aliens to a fight.  Their future technology will surely reduce the population by just enough.


Filed under Cull

14 responses to “Human Cull Part II – Method

  1. Sioned

    Well, I chose number 2 for obvious reasons. Plus, I would to walk around looking cool in my black outfit and I would be all scary and bad assy and stuff.

  2. That would be cool. I can just see you dressed like that. No, stop it….filthy brain. Get back in your box. Bad brain!

  3. You forgot to mention all of the mobile phone operating systems I have set up to deliver fatal doses of radiation to all those who are not invited to my new world order. I just need to send the right combination of words in a text message to them. Oops, was that out loud…

  4. M

    You’re making common assumptions that any alien lifeforms out there would be more advanced that we are now, and would want to have a war with us; a bunch of creatures on the danger of imploding and taking ourselves out.
    The dinosaurs… I would like to see that.
    Sioned’s death squads… um.. no. They may look cool but that’s too much power for a person you’re not going to cull to wield.
    Pirates vs ninjas I’d like to see; but it probably would go no-where due to the differing tactics boths sides would use.

  5. Sioned

    M – there is no need to worry. I am a very laid back kind of gal. Plus, I am Canadian which means I would mostly drink beer and poke people with hockey sticks. Until they made me really mad, that is.

  6. M

    Rule #1 about worrying; anyone who says “there’s nothing to worry about” are probably hiding something you should be worried about 🙂

    Can you define “poke” for me ? are we talking gentle nudges or “whoops, was that your head?”


  7. cha0tic

    How about a genetically modified lurgy. All the nice people get the vaccine, the scum don’t.

  8. Option 3 I think, with some cowboys thrown in for good measure (and I’m not referring to the dishonest and shoddy phone on companies, rather then people on horses yelling yee-ha).

  9. Pun, I like that solution. It’s both neat and deadly.

    Mas, I’m now thinking that a combination approach might be best. Maybe Sioned and her death squad could dress in tight black clothing and ride dinosaurs while yelling “yarr!”, “avarst!” or “Soon my ninja blade technique will avenge the death of my puppy”. I’m sure aliens would want to destroy us, or most of us, before we start zipping about in space making it all untidy with our beer cans and carrier bags. We needn’t worry about the less technologically advanced aliens yet and they can’t even get to us to start a fight. Plus they’re a bit crap.

    Chaotic, a lurgy sounds really messy. Plus there is a chance that someone might steal the vaccinne and start immunising “undesirables”. Someone like the government.

    Rich, Pirates, Ninjas and Cowboys? Throw in a construction worker and a guy in a native american stereotype headress and we could sing YMCA while culling the populous.

  10. I did think that would set up a YMCA comment nicely actually.

  11. M

    Surely, part of the whole “singing the YMCA” song is the dance movements; which really doesn’t lend itself to culling movements. We need a song whose movements have more slashing, crushing, breaking, rending, smashing…. etc

    (well… maybe “Kung-fu fighting” would be more appropriate; and heck, everyone gets to walk around in their pyjamas!)


  12. Rich, I suspected as much.

    Mas, ballet?

  13. Sioned

    See Jason? i fit into almost every scenario. I AM native american so I can even do the YMCA thing as well. ;o)

  14. I would pay real money to see that Michelle.

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