Human beings have proven themselves to be utterly irresponsible when it comes to caring for this planet. We are far too numerous and innovative for disease or famine to have a great effect on the world population. Only a global level extinction event such as a super pandemic or meteor impact would significantly reduce our number and that would be bad.
What I particularly hate is the vast number of people who just get in my way when I want to get somewhere. Less people on the planet would mean less people to get in the way, less people to be in front of me in a queue, less people to steal the good biscuits from the biscuit tin at work and leave just the bourbons. You see where I’m heading with this.
Anyway I was thinking of a 95% cull in the general population starting with the most useless members of society and working up the ladder, so to speak. So working up from the bottom of the rung:
- obviously chavs, that just goes without saying;
- estate agents who lie (there must be enough honest ones left to do the job, I mean how difficult can it be?);
- people who swear in front of their children;
- then I think the elderly;
- telesales people;
- people who stand on the left on an escalator;
- just about everyone who works for the council apart from the bin men who do a sterling job;
- a large proportion of shop workers and any shop worker who looks bored or has spots;
- anyone who takes more than ten sick days a year, I mean, honestly, you’re just skiving off, admit it;
- people who walk too slowly;
- drivers of white vans;
- anyone who works for Nestle;
- anyone who eats while they’re talking on the phone;
- people who can use a computer but pretend that they can’t in order to get other people to do their jobs for them;
- quite a high proportion of school children.
I’m sure there are many more groups but I think this makes a good start. Feel free to add your own. I think I’ve probably accounted for 20% to 30% of the population so we obviously need to do more and be less choosy.
I thought of putting a minimum height limit in but there are quite a few small people who are very lovely and small people are very useful if you drop something down a drain or behind the telly. They’re not so good if you want someone to get your glasses down from the shelf though.
Support the cull, kill a neighbour.