The Great and Magnificent Predictions of Dominic Destiny 2009

Ages ago I wrote some predictions for 2008.

Here are my five predictions:

  1. Well known celebrity couple Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt (Bradgelina) will announce a split and will go their separate ways.
    FAIL. It appears that the celebrity couple are still together.
  2. Hillary Clinton will be the first female president of the United States of America.  I’m only saying this because the democrats will probably win and I’m certain that Americans will vote for a woman before they will vote for a black man.
    FAIL. Clinton lost out to Barack Obama early on so that didn’t happen..
  3. England will experience freak weather conditions on an unprecedented scale.  I include heat waves, snow storms and\or tornadoes.  None of these will stop me from getting to work though…unfortunately.
    FAIL. We had the usual weather this year as far as i could tell.  At least there was nothing so strange as to be newsworthy.
  4. There will be a large food scare in England akin to the salmonella, BSE, or bird flu farces of recent years.  I don’t know, maybe it’ll be the turn of vegetables to receive some bad press.
    FAIL. Again there were some little scares and some silly rumours mainly involving Scottish salmon and grain but no big scares.
  5. The west will go to war against a major nation in the middle east… again.
    FAIL. I was expecting a big war in Iran by that nutter Bush but it never happened.  We may well be picking fights with our middle eastern cousins but there is no major assault.

That’s terrible.  Zero out of five.  Dom did much better with four out of five.  Clearly my psychic powers were on the fritz last year.  Perhaps I should try to be a bit more outrageous in my claims.

The Brain of DestinyWith that in mind these are my 2009 Psychic Predictions from the Brain of Destiny.

  1. Sticking to American politics I’m going to go for an assassination attempt against the President.  His first year in office and a new face always upsets a few loonies.  This may be too easy as there were whisperings of nutters coming out of the woodwork from the minute he put his hat in the election.  I’m going out on a limb here and I’m going to suggest that the assassination fails miserably and improves the public perception of Barack Obama due to his level headed handling of the event.
  2. Banks will continue to be greedy, irresponsible buggers.  Now that they know that the government will bail them out when they make costly mistakes they will stop caring about risk and invest in all sorts of hare-brained schemes while throwing away confidential information or leaving it down the pub.  Something stupid like that.  The FSA will fail to make a difference.
  3. I have a particular dislike of the BNP as a bunch of racist loudmouthed twats.  I therefore predict see some serious legal ramifications for some hate mongering by the BNP.  Perhaps a senior policeman gets sacked or a court case challenges them in a publicly embarrassing way.  I don’t want to get too specific because that’s not how predictions work.  The words BNP, legal, and funny will certainly be involved though.
  4. Setting aside politics and steering clear of religion (for a change) I focus prediction number four directly on the mystical configurations of the cult of celebrity.  A footballer’s wife, perhaps one who sings a bit, will be exposed in the press as being a bit unfaithful.  The popular press will use such choice and sensitive phrases as “slapper” and “love cheat” and I fully expect Richard Littlejohn’s head to explode with glee.  As a private matter I will fail miserably to have an opinion but the constant chatter about two people who I’ve never heard of will annoy me and I’ll be forced to blog about it.
  5. No prediction would be complete with a little popular news, Zimbabwe in this case.  The country will continue to deteriorate and nobody will do anything about it.  Not a thing.  There will be plenty of talk though.

That’s it.  What are yours?

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9 Comments

Filed under Debate, Reasons to be cheerful

9 responses to “The Great and Magnificent Predictions of Dominic Destiny 2009

  1. Is the Crystal ball you used last year still under guarantee? I’d send it back if I was you.

    I’ll let you know my predictions for 2009 after I’ve come out of my Shamanic trance.

    *belch. Opens another bottle of cider*

    I can feel the predictive trance starting…

    …I might need another couple of bottles yet though.

  2. SarahH

    Hmmm…

    I predict that all five of your predictions will not come to pass! That seems like a safe one 😛

  3. the 4th one for 2008 was a little over the top, for your this years predictions, I give a 50-50 chance for all except for 4th. May be her husband will be discovered to have an affair, but that will hardly be any breaking news.

  4. i predict everything will be blamed on immigrants, knife crime will continue to rise, general dissapointment all around.

  5. Chaotic, crystal ball? I have no need of such tools for prediction. I use my carefully crafted teacup and leaves instead. Works nearly every time…*ahem*

    Sarah, maybe I should have predicted the same…wait, that wouldn’t work at all.

    Vi, do you think so, we have them quite often. Probably due to the shitty way we treat animals over here and the crap we feed them on\inject them with. As for this year a footballer being a bit unfaithful is par for the course but I can’t remember a story about a footballer’s wife doing the same. It’d be a change of pace for the tabloids.

    SGT, everything on the immigrants? Crumbs, that seems a bit harsh…but yes I see your point. As for knife crime I think it will stay the same but get reported more just like it is now. I’d be disappointed is we had to suffer another year of general disappointment but at least there’ll be no let downs if we expect it.

    • That just seems unfair to me. If they get blamed for everything and the housing market magically recovers so that my house is actually worth more than I paid for it then I don’t want to blame the immigrants for that. Equally I don’t think it is fair to blame them if Dave “I’d buy slaves if I could” Cameron wins a general election.

      Can’t we just blame immigrants for things that they actually do rather than putting all the world’s ills on them? I know it’s a new idea but it I feel that it has it’s merits.

  6. Hard luck on the old predictions there. I’ll come back this time next year to see how you got on with 2009’s lot! 😉

  7. Pingback: The Great and Magnificent Predictions of Dominic Destiny 2010 « The Magnificent Frog

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