Ages ago I wrote some predictions for 2008.
Here are my five predictions:
Well known celebrity couple Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt (Bradgelina) will announce a split and will go their separate ways.
FAIL. It appears that the celebrity couple are still together.
Hillary Clinton will be the first female president of the United States of America. I’m only saying this because the democrats will probably win and I’m certain that Americans will vote for a woman before they will vote for a black man.
FAIL. Clinton lost out to Barack Obama early on so that didn’t happen..
England will experience freak weather conditions on an unprecedented scale. I include heat waves, snow storms and\or tornadoes. None of these will stop me from getting to work though…unfortunately.
FAIL. We had the usual weather this year as far as i could tell. At least there was nothing so strange as to be newsworthy.
There will be a large food scare in England akin to the salmonella, BSE, or bird flu farces of recent years. I don’t know, maybe it’ll be the turn of vegetables to receive some bad press.
FAIL. Again there were some little scares and some silly rumours mainly involving Scottish salmon and grain but no big scares.
The west will go to war against a major nation in the middle east… again.
FAIL. I was expecting a big war in Iran by that nutter Bush but it never happened. We may well be picking fights with our middle eastern cousins but there is no major assault.
That’s terrible. Zero out of five. Dom did much better with four out of five. Clearly my psychic powers were on the fritz last year. Perhaps I should try to be a bit more outrageous in my claims.
With that in mind these are my 2009 Psychic Predictions from the Brain of Destiny.
- Sticking to American politics I’m going to go for an assassination attempt against the President. His first year in office and a new face always upsets a few loonies. This may be too easy as there were whisperings of nutters coming out of the woodwork from the minute he put his hat in the election. I’m going out on a limb here and I’m going to suggest that the assassination fails miserably and improves the public perception of Barack Obama due to his level headed handling of the event.
- Banks will continue to be greedy, irresponsible buggers. Now that they know that the government will bail them out when they make costly mistakes they will stop caring about risk and invest in all sorts of hare-brained schemes while throwing away confidential information or leaving it down the pub. Something stupid like that. The FSA will fail to make a difference.
- I have a particular dislike of the BNP as a bunch of racist loudmouthed twats. I therefore predict see some serious legal ramifications for some hate mongering by the BNP. Perhaps a senior policeman gets sacked or a court case challenges them in a publicly embarrassing way. I don’t want to get too specific because that’s not how predictions work. The words BNP, legal, and funny will certainly be involved though.
- Setting aside politics and steering clear of religion (for a change) I focus prediction number four directly on the mystical configurations of the cult of celebrity. A footballer’s wife, perhaps one who sings a bit, will be exposed in the press as being a bit unfaithful. The popular press will use such choice and sensitive phrases as “slapper” and “love cheat” and I fully expect Richard Littlejohn’s head to explode with glee. As a private matter I will fail miserably to have an opinion but the constant chatter about two people who I’ve never heard of will annoy me and I’ll be forced to blog about it.
- No prediction would be complete with a little popular news, Zimbabwe in this case. The country will continue to deteriorate and nobody will do anything about it. Not a thing. There will be plenty of talk though.
That’s it. What are yours?