Banks to lend you your own money

Taken from the Daily Mash.

THE government is to invest £500bn of your money in British banks so they can lend it back to you with interest.

The historic move is being hailed as a lifeline for the financial system as long as nobody asks too many questions.

Julian Cook, chief economist at Corbett and Barker, said: “The government will give your money to the banks so the banks can start lending you that money, probably at around 7% APR.

“Thanks to all the interest you’re paying on your own money, the banks will make billions of pounds again and normality will be restored.

“After a few years of this the government will cash in the bank shares it bought with your money and use the profits to build a huge fucking dome somewhere.”

He added: “In case you hadn’t already worked it out – the entire global financial system is predicated on the assumption that you’re an idiot.”

Chancellor Alistair Darling said the decision had been taken in tandem with the banking industry, adding: “They used a lot of dirty words I’d never heard before and one of them had an angry looking dog.”

Meanwhile, Emma Bradford, a sales manager from Bath, said: “Why doesn’t the government just give my money to me so I can buy stuff from businesses who will then make a profit and put it in a bank?”

But Mr Darling insisted: “Shut up.”

I think the summary of the bail out of the banking industry is just about perfect.


Filed under Reasons to be cheerful, You decide

3 responses to “Banks to lend you your own money

  1. Jason

    Absolutely brilliant! this had me in fits of laughter! Thankyou for sharing it Mr Frog!

  2. When i find myself agreeing with a female sales manager form Bath over the Chancellor of the Exchequer on British Fiscal Policy it MUST be time we (ie you) got a new Policy – or Exchequer – or Both??

    Anyone thought of starting up a collection? 😉


  3. From what I’ve heard, Obama brought in the the administration with him more wall street/banker types than has ever been in the administration before.

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