Incoherent rage!

Arrgh! Grrr! Feck!

I hate working the helpdesk.  People are just so incomprehensibly vague,  I’ve just had a conversation.  I call it a conversation but it’s really abuse.

Mad Woman: When I click the thing it says Yes or No.  I clicked No.  Now it doesn’t work.

Me, with my helpful hat on: OK, what thing did you click?  It sounds like a message asking you something with a Yes\No answer.  What was the message?

Mad Woman:  I dunno, I didn’t read it.

Me, with my spinning helpful hat:  I see. OK then, what were you doing when the window popped up?

Mad Woman: Everything.  It happens when I do anything.  Your system is crap.

Me, putting aside my helpful hat: OK, can you open the system that you were in and talk me through your actions and I’ll be able to see what is causing the error.

Mad Woman: What?  I’ve shut down now.  Hang on I’ll switch it on.  *mutters abuse about rubbish computer*

Me, twisting my helpful hat in my hands: *curses silently, why ring for help when the object you need help with is switched off*  Sigh.

Mad Woman: Right, it’s on now.  Wait the time is wrong, how do I change it?

Me, throwing my helpful hat to the floor and stamping on it:  Can we deal with the first issue and then I’ll sort out your clock.  Open the system and talk me through the problem.

Mad Woman: Well that’s no good, the time is wrong, how am I going to tell the time if it is wrong?  Your system is crap.  It can’t even keep the right time.

Me, grinding the helpful hat into the floor with my foot:  *explains how to fix the clock* Now the system that is generating the error, can you open it?

Mad Woman: OK, I go into a job and..Oh.. It’s working now.  It wasn’t before, what have you done?  It’s working now.  Your system is crap.

*hangs up*

What a waste of bloody time.  I don’t know what the error was, where it occurred or what caused it.  Next time it happens the Mad Woman will ring again and tell me that she “thought I’d fixed it.  Your system’s crap” and then I will have to kill her by stuffing my mangled hat down her throat until she turns blue.

I’m going to savour my coffee now and calm down.  I need a helpdesk monkey.  I can be a server monkey or a code monkey but I can’t do helpdesk any more.  It makes me think bad thoughts with murder and mayhem in them.  No more please.

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19 Comments

Filed under Bad things happen

19 responses to “Incoherent rage!

  1. It’s been a decade and a half since I did HellDesk duties last but the problems don’t go away.

    When I came here 8 months ago I had a number of in-depth meetings with the potential system owner and stakeholders, spec’d and designed a system that got enthusisastic buy-in and assent from all concerned, went away, tinkered with html and photoshop, came back and demo’d a working prototype. Everyone said ‘yes, that’s precisely what we want, exactly the functionality we need’. Went away, worked with the developers, built working model, got group of interested/invested individuals in for two rounds of UAT. Documented their slight revisions, got the changes built in, put the final draft version in front of a very wide audience, got total sign off, documented the system ‘as is’. designed publicity/marketing compaign around the product and went live on time, on budget, on the publicised day – three weeks ago.

    This morning I met with the system owner who has come up with a list of revisions as long as the M1 and includes dropping about 15% of the functionality.

    Aarrrrghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

  2. I completely understand. I once worked for a call center for AT&T wireless as a summer job. One lady once asked me how to change the battery of her cell. As I was explaining the procedure, she says,’ what? I have to use my fingers for this? My nails are going to chip. Why can’t you guys find out a simpler way for doing this?’ *SIGH*

  3. I think you can be sure that whatever her next call is about, “your system is crap” will enter into it somehow 🙂

  4. She hung up without even saying thank you!

  5. Dom

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: people are idiots.

  6. I wonder why people think they can be so rude to people who are trying to help them. Although I suspect they don’t perceive it as receiving help in their own mindset.

  7. how rude. some people honestly. are you allowed to hang up?

  8. Brennig, scope creep I can handle. Blatant idiocy is too much though.

    Violet, yeah why can’t the battery magically fly out and hover in place when commanded?

    Helen, probably. I get the satisfaction of thinking to myself “The system is doing exactly what you asked it to do.”

    Tender, people don’t thank me, I’m in IT. We’re the lowest of the low, even lower than finance. The two departments that the company absolutely relies on are the ones that get treated worse. I can see the reason though, we don’t actually do any money earning work, we just makes sure that everyone else can.

    Dom, all people or nearly all people?

    Perp, it’s not help, I’m doing my job. I’m like a paramedic for IT, there’s no reason to be polite just because they don’t understand that I’m stopping them from bleeding to death. Why I’m practically a hero. I should wear a medal. A gold medal made from gold with a gold chain. Oh yeah!

    SGT, I’m allowed to “cut someone off my accident” but I never do. I’m far too shiny and kind for that. See the medal comment above. I’m a freaking hero.

  9. you described yourself of shiny – thats cute

  10. Dom

    All people. Some people (like us) are able to limit their idiocy and generally don’t inflict it on others.

  11. Soupy, I hate that they aren’t rare. The occassional moron is lovely and refreshing but too many are just messy and unwelcome.

    SGT, shiny’s cute?

  12. Dom, I prefer to focus my idiocy in controlled bursts. I’m thinking of turning stupid into a weapon.

  13. What’s cute about shiny? Actually I don’t need to know. The important thing is that an actual real live female thought that something I said was cute. That’ll keep my ego stoked for at least another year. 😉

  14. divastar

    Was that my mum that called you? Cos I get these conversations with her all the time! LOL Thanks for the chuckle, but sorry you had such a crazy loon to deal with for us to get the giggle ;o)

    I back blogging now, hopefully no more horrible drama will happen and I can continue with it this time! xxx

  15. hf – cos its quite a childlike way to describe yourself

  16. floatykatja

    I used to work on a helpdesk for the CEMEA region of Visa. Always entertaining trying to explain to a Russian who has very little English that they have locked themselves out of the system so I have reset their password to something esoteric like – er – esoteric. “That’s E – S – O – T – no, T. T for Tommy.”

    5 minutes later they would be back on the phone, and we would go through the whole rigmarole again. I got to know certain members very well over that year.

  17. Snarly

    That mad woman sounds like ne of the teachers at school. And all the computers in the computer suite have stopped wroking…. Did she sound tall and blonde and scary?

    Hmmm……

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