Monthly Archives: March 2008

The pub broke

It’s not my fault.  I went for a pint because the pub has less drunk people than the bus station.  I’d barely started drinking when all the power went out.  No lights, no kitchen, no pumps.

Time to close the pub.

I had to hang out with the drunks and loonies at the bus station.

I need a car.

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E Gary Gygax RIP

Basic SetI’ve just found out that Gary Gygax died on Tuesday.

I bought the Red Box Basic rules in 1983 with pocket money that I’d save for weeks and the Blue Box Expert rules a month or two later.  We used to play after school at a friend’s house.  I attribute my interest in reading both fiction and history to the playing of this game as a child.  I also attribute my learning mathematics to this game and the countless hours of adding up dice and calculating THAC0s, Saving Throws and ACs on the fly.

The man was also a prolific writer and imaginative world builder who took a game and built an industry on what he enjoyed doing.  An inspiration to many people, he will be missed.

I wonder what he’ll roll up for his next character?

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Filed under Bad things happen, Keen Scimitar +2

Food

For my luncheon I have mostly eaten a whole packet of Garibaldis.

Giuseppe Garibaldi

Giuseppe Garibaldi, Italian patriot and General of the Risorgimento, national hero of Italy, dubbed the “Hero of the Two Worlds” and inspiration for the Garibaldi biscuit.

I’m still hungry though.  I think I’ll have some soup.

In other news it is The Hildy’s birthday today.  She is *ahem* years old and still as lovely as ever.  It is also Matt Lucas’ birthday and I only mention it because The Hildy said that he’s the only person she shares a birthday with that makes her look thin.  This is clearly a lot of nonsense but still quite funny.

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Filed under Reasons to be cheerful

Up, up, away!

I’m off to visit our sister company in the treacherous mountains of East Sussex.  There I shall do battle with trolls and goblins, with witches and demons, with dragons and shapeshifters.  I shall be cut off from the rest of reality for a while (no change there) and may well suffer pangs of longing for the mysteries of WordPress.  I cannot have them though.  I must deny myself.  I shall be in meetings.

Think of me as I languish in the dungeons of meetingdom.  Think of me as I combat the evils of marketing and the perils of accounts.  Think of me, dear friends.  I shall not be gone for long.

Now, I must depart.  My trusty steed, South West Trains, awaits.

*rides off waving*

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Filed under Bad things happen, Reasons to be cheerful

Student loan

I’ve been rooting through my old archives to see if I’ve ever said anything interesting in my blog life.  No, I haven’t but I did find this.

Date: 21 September 2006

Dear Mr hoverFrog

Loan Account Number: 90WACOFF521

Please find enclosed the 15th annual statement for your student loan.  The one you took out in 1990 and spent within a week on drugs and beer.  Was it worth it?  I bet you can’t even remember spending all that money.  That is beside the point really because you have now officially paid it all back.  Actually you finished paying it back on 16th March of this year but we’ve only just got round to writing to you.  Never mind, eh, we’ve got your money now.  That’s the important thing.

Deferment of loan payments

You don’t have to start repaying your loan until you earn the average wage of a Bavarian goat herder.  We’ll write to you to remind you every year about this just so we can have a laugh at your expense.  Credit card bills still not clear.  Don’t worry.  If you ever earn enough to pay them off you’ll still owe us.  It’ll hang over you for the rest of your life.

Queries

You can write to us but , lets face is, we aren’t going to reply and even if we do we’ll lose all record of it if it suits us to.  You can try ringing the National rate number (only 35p/minute) but I expect you’ll give up after 20 or 30 minutes of listening nothing.  Even if you do get through the line will be so bad that you’ll have to hang up.

You remember that time we tried to take you to court because we’d lost your loan deferment form.  How we laughed and laughed afterwards?  I expect you did too once you’d got used to the idea of paying back money when you didn’t need to because of our cock up.

Summary

The last two paragraphs are standard and have no bearing on the first but we include them in all our letters even when they aren’t relevant.  I bet you’re as glad as we are that we won’t have any more dealings for a while.  I mean it’s not as if you can afford to pay for your children’s’ education now that we’ve skinted you.  Don’t even bother trying to get the government to foot part of the bill either.  They’d have a good old laugh if they thought people still believed that education was a right and not a privilege.  Free education is a myth.  Honestly, where do you think your taxes go anyway?  Education, education, education?  Bollocks!

Yours smugly

pp The company who bought your debt from the Student Loan Company 

The Student Loan Company

Well that’s good news I suppose.  At least there’s no lingering resentment on my part.  I’m tempted to write back and thank them.

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Iron

Has anyone got an iron I could borrow?  Mine broke and I don’t want to go to work creased.

I should just take the day off.  Right?

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Filed under Bad things happen