Daily Archives: 20 February 2008

What Kind of God Would You Be?

Blatantly stolen from Dubito Ergo Sum

The meme: list at least four things that you’d do if you were God. Assume the same thing I do: you’re omnipotent (do the logically impossible!) and whatever you do will work out fine with the laws of physics, such as they are.

  1. My holy book gets regular updates and version releases. Times change and people come up with fantastic ideas all the time.  Limiting myself to a book set in a particular time just seems crazy.  It has to move with the times.
  2. I’m banning prayer.  Seriously I have better things to do as an omnipotent deity than listen to your whingeing.  Get over yourself.  I’m not setting up a celestial bureaucracy to deal with prayer requests and no horde of angels will be sifting through your commentary for good points.  I’m God and I get to read your mind if I like.  If you come up with a good idea I’m taking it.  In fact if you do pray I’m going to turn it around so it works against you.  You’re wasting your time and mine.  If you want to change something then go and change it, don’t ask me.  Finally if you even think about praying for your football team to win then you’re asking for the ground to open up and swallow you.  I will do it.
  3. Priests of my new faith are required to wear silly hats or outlandish costumes so that nobody ever takes what they say seriously.  What?  The Catholics have already got this rule?  Dammit!
  4. There will be no heaven and hell.  The afterlife will work like this:
    • When you die you get to review of your entire life.
    • Every mean, spiteful, vindictive act that you inflicted on your fellow human would be given back to you.  You get to live the life of the people you harmed so that you can appreciate the full impact of your wrong.
    • Every act of kindness, love, charity and aid that you offer or provide to your fellow human would be given back to you.  You get to live the life of the people you helped so that you can appreciate the full impact of your good deeds.
    • In fact you get to live the life of everyone who you touched in some small way to see how you influenced them.  This means that Hitler literally gets to experience the suffering off millions and Gandhi gets to live the peace of everyone who he influenced.  A suitable punishment\reward system in my opinion.
    • Then, with perfect clarity, you get to live your own life again but this time you can change things.
  5. People get to be really tough and get to heal really quickly.  A fall from a 10th floor window may result in broken bones but these will mend in a week or two.  Gunshot wounds can be shrugged off.  Basically you get to be as tough as the hero in a Hollywood movie.

I’m going to tag everyone who wants to play.

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Filed under Atheist, Reasons to be cheerful, Religion, You decide