This should make you chortle if you’ve ever “worked the helpdesk like a bitch”.  It’s a genuine helpdesk request received today from a team leader in the company that I work for.

Category: Arrears system
Title: Joint ARC/OCV’s
Nature of Request
Please state clearly what the problem or improvement is, add a list of alternatives that you have considered and then a suggested course of action.

There is a problem and it does not work.  The system copies the address which is the incorrect address. 

Yes, that’s right:  “There is a problem and it does not work”.  Really specific so as to assist the IT staff in locating and rectifying the problem.  I mean, honestly, why did I devise error codes for all the common errors?  Why did I bother to capture each error and display it on screen for the user to provide feedback?

For fun, that’s why.  I suppose I should be grateful that it’s been narrowed down to one of the 17 databases that are in production use.

In other news:  At what point does enough coffee become too much coffee?  In mugs please.


Filed under Shitbiscuits, van de graaf

13 responses to “Helpdesk

  1. Ha. I used to ‘work the helpdesk like a bitch’ for VISA’s CEMEA region (anywhere that’s not Europe). Talking Russian bankers through password changes when they’d managed to lock themselves out of the system for the 5th time that day was always entertaining*.

    *by ‘entertaining’ I mean ‘fucking soul-destroying’

  2. Jason

    The address wouldn’t be a field that someone has entered in to the system already perchance?

  3. What’s this Katja? You mean that you’ve humbled yourself with a menial day job? You should gallivanting about being a star. Such work is beneath you.

    How is your Russian anyway?

    The Other Jason Who is Purple, it might be. It’s hard to tell.

  4. In answer to the coffee question, anything more than 0 cups is too much (I detest and loath coffee). As to error codes, I’ve given up beleiveing that anyone reads them and tend to stick to old favorites:

    Meep! Something bad has happened.
    Total barf, crashing lots, giving up. Question is: what’s next?
    You told me this was a config file. You lied!
    and my all time fav: Broken pipe, danger of flooding, seek higher ground!

    You’ve gotta love geek humour 😀

  5. M

    Coffee – too much is never determined in cups as this is variable dependant on the consumer of said beverage.

    Look for signs of extreme paranoia, instability and hyperactivity. That is a sign of “too much coffee” – note down the number of mugs and remember it for next time. Remember, just because Lardball Harris can drunk 27 1/2 cups before attacking everyone with the cleaners’ vrubber vrubber floor polisher, doesn’t mean that you can tollerate anywhere near as much.


    Also, bare in mind the strength of the coffee and the size of cup or mug

  6. M

    the description anyway is incorrect I hope you realise. The purpose of a problem is to hinder whatever tasks should be carried out. By saying there is a “problem that does not work” they are effectively saying “there is no problem” because if there is no hinderence then there isn’t a problem.

    You should return it with a note thanking them for their speedy diagnosis and the excellent job they did remedying the situation 🙂
    Although, I suspect the plagerism issue will be picked up by the appropriate examination board when the time comes…

  7. Model Commuter, geek? I detect no geek in this humour.

    Mas, one cup hold half a pint of water and two heaped teaspoonfuls of carte noir. It takes 30 minutes to boil the kettle, make a coffee, drink it and put the kettle on again. In an 8 hour day that’s 16 cups of coffee or 8 pints. Admitedly by 3pm I could possibly be considered slightly hyperactive.

    Jelliousness, 5? 5! Wait, you’re about half my height or a quarter of my weight ergo your coffee consumption level is proportionally lower. Your 5 mugs translates to 20 mugs in hoverFrog speak which means that I am clearly not drinking enough. Phew!

    ….or I need a bigger mug.

  8. Stop drinking coffee when:

    your sweat smells of coffee

    your stomach starts to feel like it’s digesting itself

    you’re not sitting on your chair any more, you’re hovering over it. (The latter may apply to you most of the time anyway, in which case ignore that one)

  9. Sweat is supposed to smell of coffee, isn’t it? Hovering is all good.

  10. Fabulous

    haha maybe someone had to much coffee and was on a high.. lol

  11. hey – thanks for visiting my blog and commenting. i appreciate your thoughts on all that. i look forward to reading more of your posts! peace.

  12. Becca

    Hmmmm 17 production databases…If only. Over 1000 is becoming too much. Then there are the 600 UNIX servers and 200 Linux boxes. Anbd you think you have it tough…?

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