On line tracking

I’m not expecting a package (apart from the new Harry Potter book from Amazon next week) but my conveyancer for the sale of l’étang de grenouille and purchase of le château de grenouille has an online tracking system that looks like this:

Case Steps		Actual End Date
Case Accepted – Sale		26/06/2007
Notification Of Sale		04/07/2007
Deeds Requested Transactional		06/07/2007
Deeds Received Transactional		17/07/2007
Contract Prepared & Sent Transactional		17/07/2007
All Initial Enquiries Raised
Enquiries Completed
Contracts Signed And Ready For Exchange Transactional
Contract Exchanged – Sale Transactional
Completion – Sale Transactional

Why are they taking so long?  I’m checking the site every half hour and there is no change.  Why is that?  What are they doing?  The solicitors are obviously lazy.  Why can’t they work faster?  Who thought to put this on line where I can check it as often as I like?  I hate them and want to pull their wings off.

Some kind hearted soul* casually informed me that the conveyancers can complete the sale and purchase of a house in only one day if they actually pull their fingers out of their arses and work on it.  Now I didn’t appreciate the imagery of this much as I expect the deeds to my property to reach me (OK the bank) in an unblemished state.  I also have to sign some of these forms and hope that they wash their hands before posting them.  Really, think about what you say to a literalist like me people!

The Hildy and I agree that we are never moving again.

Tempers are fraying in le ménage de grenouille.  We really need to move soon.

—

In other news I am currently being eaten by every crawling and flying bug in the country.  I’m considering smearing myself in marmite in order to repel the beasties as I heard that marmite is an effective deterent against mosquitoes but I fear that this would just make me irresistable as a snack for lovers of English Jam**.

* read agitator
** The French apparently call Marmite “la Confiture Anglaise” rather than the literal translation of “Marmite” which means a large earthenware pot….apparently.