Monthly Archives: June 2007

Rodents of Unusual Size

Some of you may be aware of my liking of rats as pets.  If not let me summarise.

Rats are the greatest pets that a human being could ever ask for.

Wild rats are a slightly different matter though.  They simply don’t have the same manners as a fancy rat.  No sir, no manners at all.  In fact the wild rat is a bit of a country bumpkin compared to the sophisticated metropolitan rat.  However, what they lack in culture they more than make up for in size.

The rats of Fareham Train Station are some of the largest rodents that I have ever seen.  They are bigger than The Giant Rat of Sumatra and are certainly the inspiration for James Herbert’s The Rats.  I have been trying to obtain a photograph of these enormous beasts but they seem to have noticed my interest and are currently being quite elusive.

I’m afraid an artist’s impression will have to suffice.

Rat in a Field

If you see one of these rodents please do not approach them.  They are very shy.


Filed under Zombie shelter

Smug Mode

I’ve just been told that people need a dictionary to understand what I say.

If I could possibly be described as insufferable smug before this statement, it is doubly so now.  I am a genius compared to the people that I share an office with.  Mine is an evil laugh.

An alternate theory is that compared to the people that I share an office with a retarded chipmunk would be considered a genius.

I’m going for the former but I strongly suspect the latter.


Filed under I am, Reasons to be cheerful, Your starter for 10

It’s time….

…for something a little more serious than my previous post.

You need sound.  All chaps should see this.  Why they don’t teach this stuff at school I just don’t understand.  I mean they taught us how to hit a nail on the head and how to draw a straight line.  This is much more important.


Filed under Facebook Generation, Reasons to be cheerful

Thursday Thirteen

Tracey suggested 13 childhood memories but I’ve had several attempts at this and it just comes across like I’m a whinging git.  Plus I had real trouble remembering 13 things.  So I’m going to leave it for a while.Mas suggested a lot of things:

  • 13 things (that mean something) on your desk, (shelves or noticeboard/pinboard/wall/bag) ? (oh, that’s similar to the 13 things in the room you’re in which was suggested. Hmm)
  • 13 decisions that changed your life?
  • If money was no object, 13 places you would rather live.
  • 13 things that keep you going when the world’s against you.
  • 13 (bad) things that the world always seems to throw at you.
  • 13 truths you’ve learned.
  • 13 secrets you’ve not told.
  • 13 of the best gifts ever given or received by you.
  • 13 people you would bring back from the dead and meet if that was something that could be done.
  • 13 food or drink items we might not expect you to like, but you do.
  • 13 hours in one day.
  • 13 mistakes you regret and
  • 13 mistakes you do not (regret)The first has sort of been done already and the second is very tricky for me because I’m in a philosophical mood and surely every decision made (or not) changes your life in some way.

    Anyway I’ve settled on “If money was no object, 13 places you would rather live. ”

    These aren’t in order.

    1. The moon.
    2. In a castle on a cloud.
    3. Next door to Michelle.
    4. Not too far from Chloe.
    5. In Cardiff.
    6. In London near all the London bloggers.
    7. Under the sea in a glass (or at least transparent) house.
    8. Very high up on a glacier in Switzerland.
    9. The North pole.
    10. The lowest point of the grand canyon.
    11. Canada.
    12. A fantasy world populated with dragons, unicorns and creatures out of legend.
    13. Right where I live now.
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    Filed under Thursday Thirteen

    hoverFrog recommends…

    The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins

    If, like me, you think that the world would be a better place without religion then you should read this book.

    If you’ve followed the faith of your parents automatically but don’t really know why then you should read this book.

    If you are a religious person who wants to see what the counter arguments are, or just want to play devil’s advocate,  then you should read this book.

    That doesn’t leave many people.  If you’re a fundamentalist who refuses to listen to the arguments of the “other side” then you won’t read this book….but you should.

    So sayeth the frog.

    Although followers of the Flying Spagetti Monster could probably get away with skipping the first chapter.


    Filed under Keen Scimitar +2, Reasons to be cheerful, You decide

    Here there be dragons

    This is the office that I work in

    Please note the careful use of imagery for the smallest rooms in the office.  The flowers are obviously representative of the rose scented cubes that ladies deposit once a year while the hound represents the foul dawg odor that lads seem to leave constantly.

    Now note the location of my desk.

    Right next to the places where people make stinks.

    I’ve had enough.  My sensitive nose cannot cope with working here any more.  I’m going to work near the duck pond.

    1 Comment

    Filed under Bad things happen, Shitbiscuits

    One word, one mood

    defenestrate \dee-FEN-uh-strayt\, transitive verb:
    To throw out of a window.

    What’s your word?


    Filed under Reasons to be cheerful

    I feel poorly

    *cough cough*

    I might go back to bed.


    1 Comment

    Filed under Bad things happen, Shitbiscuits

    Pants on Fire

    Arrgh! my hatred of estate agents continues to grow.  Soon it will grow so large as to block out the sun.

    The latest debacle is as follows:

    The current owners of the house (Mr Fed Up With Hafalax) that will become le château de grenouille if I get my way have found another buyer for their place.  Someone unrelated to the estate agency has made an offer.  This means that Lying Liars are all set to lose a significant commission if Third Party Man and his Wife buy the house.

    I have had several offers for my house but all below what I am willing to let it go for.  I also have three more viewings at the weekend.  I’m taking this as a positive sign that someone might want to buy it.  However the Lying Liars are now coming up with all sorts of bollocks to try to get me to agree to accept a lower offer.  This will ensure that I get to buy le château de grenouille and they get two big lots of commission.  The only people who lose out are the sellers.  i.e. Me and Mr Fed Up With Hafalax. Their customers.

    I’m so sick of the whole thing that I’m considering staying where I am and getting an extension built instead. 

    Why can’t estate agents realise that they can simply tell the truth.  I won’t hold it against them if they tell me that they want to make a profit.  They’re in business to make a profit.  I’m clever enough to understand that.  It’s the lies and twisted half truths that get to me.

    Lets have a bit of honesty for a change.

    I was going to write about the Rodents of Unusual Size that I saw at the train station this morning.  I suppose that will have to wait until tomorrow now.  Ho hum.


    Filed under Cull, le château de grenouille

    An end to shoe madness

    Like an an ever so prolific blogger who shares my love of all things ratty I don’t wear shoes often.  There are many reasons for this.

    1. It is difficult to find shoes in my size.  For some reason shoe shops seem to think that people who have feet larger than a size 11 don’t need shoes.  Presumably we can wear boxes instead or just go barefoot.
    2. As a fussy bugger who also happens to be a vegetarian I insist that my footwear contains no animal parts.  Now before the price of leather (and presumably the value of the cows that grow it) dropped through the floor it was quite easy to get plastic or canvas shoes but now it’s as easy as finding hen’s teeth.
    3. I have grown to hate the vacant eyed children that shoe shops employ.  Presumably they pay so badly that only rejects from Rotten Ronnies are eligible for this McJob.  I may be treating them harshly here but I’ve had no positive shoe shop experiences to enable me to say anything good.
    4. I don’t really find them comfortable.  I like to get some air around my footsies.
    5. They smell if I wear them for too long.  Apparently stinky feet are a sign of good health.  I’m not sure if this is an old wives tale to make pongo toes feel better but I’m going to support it.
    6. A lack of shoes makes it easier to strip the rest of my clothes off.  You know, just in case anyone feels like it.  You never know when L’Amour will strike. 😉
    7. Frankly the cost of replacing shoes is just too high.  I mean, I must spend £8 on a pair of trainers every few months.  That’s a lot of money dontchaknow.
    8. If I had more shoes I’d just lose them.

    I have found a solution to the madness that is buying shoes.  I am simply going to buy identical shoes from now on.  I have an excellent pair of canvas trainers from “We’re so cheap even pikeys won’t shop here”.  The lace holes started to tear the other day on my right shoe.  Rather than buy an different brand I simply purchased an identical pair of trainers and discarded the torn shoe.  Now I have a spare left shoe.

    I think you’ll agree that three shoes are better than two.  Think of the possibilities.

    Yes, they are green.


    Filed under Reasons to be cheerful