Big Brother

Deviating from the regular *ahem* Thursday Thirteen somewhat I’d like to suggest thirteen methods of not watching Big Brother.

  1. Stab knitting needles in your eyes.
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  2. Sew your eyes shut using cat gut.
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  3. Drink strong liquor constantly for the next three months.
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  4. Travel somewhere remote to work 16 hour days helping to save endangered animals from extinction.
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  5. Fight a guerrilla war against Andy Duncan, chief executive of channel 4 from the hills outside his house.
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  6. Spend every waking moment running in rural areas.
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  7. Hibernate until it’s over.
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  8. Fall down a well.
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  9. Bury yourself in ice.
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  10. Get on the show yourself.
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  11. Break into the Big Brother house and gun down all those screeching harpies till their all dead.
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  12. Set off a large enough nuclear explosion to create an EMP pulse to knock out all electronic devices in the UK.
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  13. Curl into a foetal position and refuse to move until it’s over.
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