Deviating from the regular *ahem* Thursday Thirteen somewhat I’d like to suggest thirteen methods of not watching Big Brother.
- Stab knitting needles in your eyes.
- Sew your eyes shut using cat gut.
- Drink strong liquor constantly for the next three months.
- Travel somewhere remote to work 16 hour days helping to save endangered animals from extinction.
- Fight a guerrilla war against Andy Duncan, chief executive of channel 4 from the hills outside his house.
- Spend every waking moment running in rural areas.
- Hibernate until it’s over.
- Fall down a well.
- Bury yourself in ice.
- Get on the show yourself.
- Break into the Big Brother house and gun down all those screeching harpies till their all dead.
- Set off a large enough nuclear explosion to create an EMP pulse to knock out all electronic devices in the UK.
- Curl into a foetal position and refuse to move until it’s over.
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