Daily Archives: 17 May 2007


“13 things you would do if you suddenly won the lottery” as suggested by the ever so clever and super strong Michelle.

This is a tricky one for me because I live such a perfect, charmed life that I want for nothing.  Honestly.

  1. Pay off my mortgage.
  2. Get tutors for the kids and for me.
  3. Pay off my friends’ mortgages.
  4. Buy a huge house to live in with annexes for family members who are getting on a bit or just like to visit.  It needs to have lots of land for the horses.
  5. Buy some horses.
  6. Leave a £1000 tip for the first person to give excellent service in their job.
  7. Buy a book shop.
  8. Quit working for other people.
  9. Buy Chinese food every night just to see how long it takes for The Hildy to get sick of it.
  10. Learn lots of different languages starting with French, German, Japanese and Italian.
  11. Travel the world.  All of it.
  12. Fund an Atheist School where only Atheist’s are allowed to attend just so I can annoy the Catholic School down the road and get in the papers for being a git.
  13. Buy lots of houses and let homeless people live in them rent free.

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Filed under Thursday Thirteen

Rat a tat tat

I’ve had pet rats for many years on and off.  They are the best pet that you could ever choose.  Anyone who has shared their sofa with a rat can tell you this.

Spike and Oz

From left to right they are Oz and Spike.  Both female rats who got very fat in their old age.  Their favourite game was to play at being rat hats for the kids but only if the kids kept still.

Harry Rat before he went to the vets for the last time.  It was a constant joke of the young Harry that he would only sleep inside a box of Felix cat food pouches.  I think he liked the sense of danger and enjoyed tormenting Riz Cat.  Curiously Riz Cat has always suffered from a sort of rat blindness that means that she cannot see or hear any rat in the house, not even when they throw wood shavings at her and point and laugh.

I don’t have a single picture of Harry’s brothers, Pete and Jack.  This is a great shame because all three lads were the very picture of hairy handsomeness.  Both were brown rats with large patches of white on their fur.

Jack Rat’s favourite food was dog biscuits.  Pete preferred the fingers of my nephew.

I miss having rats as pets.  As soon as I move into le château de grenouille I intend to get at least four little rat ladies to keep the house safe and comfy.  Rat ladies tend to fight less than rat chaps and are also less prone to … how do I put this delicately … marking their territory.  Although Rat ladies are prone to breast cancer which the chaps tend not to be although they can, of course, still develop it.

What should I call them though?


Filed under le château de grenouille, Reasons to be cheerful